life as a to-do list

I haven't been posting here much lately, there has been a lot going on. Today I realised that right now I am treating life as a to do list, a series of tasks to be ticked off.

My 82 year old mother fell and broke her hip, she is home from hospital now but life at home seems rather precarious for her and my father. I worry about how long they can manage independently and if/when they can't, what the best solution will be. Its not easy and not made any easier by the fact they are a 150 mile drive away and I can't just pop in to offer assistance.

So I think and I worry especially during the night when I find myself unable to sleep, and then I am tired - its all very unproductive. Hence the lists.

The trouble with a list is that I view every item on it as a chore. We are going on holiday soon (a worry in itself under the circumstances) and even preparations like getting currency, picking up tickets which I usually enjoy, now feel like just one more thing to do.

This was brought home to me while I was hanging washing in the garden this morning. I looked at the redcurrants and thought - another job, must get them picked before we go. I love growing things, I used to have an allotment, picking fruit is enjoyable but this year it is an item on a list.

I stopped for a moment, took a photograph and then picked a bowl of redcurrants, then tackled a job from the list, then picked another bowl of redcurrants.

So this is a reminder to myself to slow down and enjoy the process. All the concerns and worries will still be there but I can also enjoy picking fruit.